and random musings on s&m
:
Kids sing the darndest things
As previously posted on Good Vibrations Sexy Mamas Blog ***Again, apologies in advance: I get these extra characters and HUGE spaces between paragraphs when I import my word doc into this blog site. I've taken to eliminating the apostrophes so sorry if typos bother you *** 
I was driving my daughters and one of Cindys friends home from school the other day and I had the radio on. Im usually listening to NPR or my iPod but my daughters friend requested a specific station. When I tuned in to that station after the ads it played Rhiannas song S & M. Immediately they started singing. I bit my tongue while I drove, fully aware that the three girls knew all of the lyrics to this song and were singing at the top of their lungs. But I didnt say a word. The link to Rhianna's song Then, the other day I was again riding in the car with Marcia and Cindy. Rhiannas song came on the radio again and the girls started singing it loud and proud.
When the song ended, I asked my daughters if they knew what the song was about. Cindy answered right away,
Cindy: Its about sex.
Me: Well, the song is called S & M. The S stands for sadism and the M stands for masochism.
Cindy: What do those words mean?
Me: Those are words that roughly mean inflicting pain on someone or having someone inflict pain on you.
Marcia: But what does S & M have to do with sex?
Me: Its funny because most people think S & M is about sex. S & M isnt always just about sex. Sometimes its about taking control or giving up power. Or sometimes its about pleasure and pain.
Marcia: How can sex have anything to do with pain?
Me: Well, have you ever been spanked and instead of hurting it actually felt kinda good?
Marcia chuckled and smiled: Yeah.
And that was it. I start the conversation by asking a question, seeking to find out how much they know. But I allow the girls to drive the conversation as far as How Much they want to know. Then I try to answer as best I can with one sentence.
This very frank conversation with them is intended to be simply information sharing. Im doing this with my 7 & 8 year olds but I think they get it because weve been talking about this stuff for a while now. If your kids are older its not too late. You will probably be amazed by what they do already know. I guess this dialog above is also an example of how to start such a conversation with your kids. Im not saying it is always easy; just that it gets easier with practice. And please note, these conversations are not about sexual positions, or STIs, or reproductive biology. Its about the stuff we encounter on a daily basis while living our lives.
If we can just be honest with our kids they can begin to understand the intricacies of sex and sexuality. So many adults I talk to wish their parents would have been comfortable talking to them when they were kidsÃÂ well here is your chance; if we talk about these topics openly and honestly our kids wont have that same complaint. Bigger, more complex conversations will come, Im sure. But having these little chats, early and often make those that will come later easier in my honest opinion.
As for Marcias comprehension of the spanking aspect, some of you may have a similar recollection. Personally, I recall birthdays growing up where each kid had to go through The Spanking Machine: The birthday kid had to crawl on their hands and knees through the legs of the other kids and get one spanking along the way from each kid. Or another variation was to get the same number of spanks for your age. (Core Erotic Theme anyone??)
As for me I enjoy the power and control aspect. At our elementary school, every parent is requested to fill a slot in traffic duty to make traffic run smoother for kid drop off and pick up. This has to be one of my favorite parent volunteer opportunities because I get to boss other people around. There are always parents who dont follow the rules when arriving at school and Im pretty good at whipping them into line. For a while Ive joked about dressing up as a dominatrix to do traffic duty at our school. I would if I didnt think it would cause too much trouble. Haha! Just kidding. Like I said, sometimes S & M is not about sex.
I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Na na na
Come on, come on, come on
I like it-like it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me
Na na na
I like it-like it
When the song ended, I asked my daughters if they knew what the song was about. Cindy answered right away,
Cindy: Its about sex.
Me: Well, the song is called S & M. The S stands for sadism and the M stands for masochism.
Cindy: What do those words mean?
Me: Those are words that roughly mean inflicting pain on someone or having someone inflict pain on you.
Marcia: But what does S & M have to do with sex?
Me: Its funny because most people think S & M is about sex. S & M isnt always just about sex. Sometimes its about taking control or giving up power. Or sometimes its about pleasure and pain.
Marcia: How can sex have anything to do with pain?
Me: Well, have you ever been spanked and instead of hurting it actually felt kinda good?
Marcia chuckled and smiled: Yeah.
And that was it. I start the conversation by asking a question, seeking to find out how much they know. But I allow the girls to drive the conversation as far as How Much they want to know. Then I try to answer as best I can with one sentence.
This very frank conversation with them is intended to be simply information sharing. Im doing this with my 7 & 8 year olds but I think they get it because weve been talking about this stuff for a while now. If your kids are older its not too late. You will probably be amazed by what they do already know. I guess this dialog above is also an example of how to start such a conversation with your kids. Im not saying it is always easy; just that it gets easier with practice. And please note, these conversations are not about sexual positions, or STIs, or reproductive biology. Its about the stuff we encounter on a daily basis while living our lives.
If we can just be honest with our kids they can begin to understand the intricacies of sex and sexuality. So many adults I talk to wish their parents would have been comfortable talking to them when they were kidsÃÂ well here is your chance; if we talk about these topics openly and honestly our kids wont have that same complaint. Bigger, more complex conversations will come, Im sure. But having these little chats, early and often make those that will come later easier in my honest opinion.
As for Marcias comprehension of the spanking aspect, some of you may have a similar recollection. Personally, I recall birthdays growing up where each kid had to go through The Spanking Machine: The birthday kid had to crawl on their hands and knees through the legs of the other kids and get one spanking along the way from each kid. Or another variation was to get the same number of spanks for your age. (Core Erotic Theme anyone??)
As for me I enjoy the power and control aspect. At our elementary school, every parent is requested to fill a slot in traffic duty to make traffic run smoother for kid drop off and pick up. This has to be one of my favorite parent volunteer opportunities because I get to boss other people around. There are always parents who dont follow the rules when arriving at school and Im pretty good at whipping them into line. For a while Ive joked about dressing up as a dominatrix to do traffic duty at our school. I would if I didnt think it would cause too much trouble. Haha! Just kidding. Like I said, sometimes S & M is not about sex.
