Changing gears
Carrying on from "the gearbox - what you've got" post, lets continue our journey of the female reproductive system. And no, the title of this post isn't meant to inspire creative gender reassignment thoughts - the politically correct term for sex change, and who doesn't want to be politically correct these days with all the law suits flying around??!!!!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch - off we go...
Passing the clitoris, take a sharp left at the labia minora and you'll find yourself in the vagina. This one's pretty self explanatory, right? I figure that if you don't know what the vagina is by now then I can't help you and... what the hell are you doing trying to get knocked up anyhow?! I could of course go into the anatomical and histological details of the vagina, but a) who really cares, b) it's not going to give you any conception advantage and, c) I hate histology - all good reasons to skip the medical blah blah.
So, hitting FF we zoom down the vagina, passing by the g-spot without stopping or collecting $200, and (flip pause, please) arrive at the cervix.
The cervix is the entrance to the uterus, or 'womb', and looks a bit like a donut that puffed up too much and encroached on it's central hole. The cervix plays a number of important functions when it comes to getting pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy, but these will be covered in other topics.
Squeezing through the cervical portal we enter the uterus. This is the star of the show, the place where it all happens. Should you manage to get yourself knocked up, this giant sponge-like bag will be home to your baby for a good 40 weeks (give or take a little, take if you are lucky, I wasn't!).
For some odd reason, which I have never managed to understand, there is a trend to compare the size of the uterus to fruit. True story! I don't know how many text books I have found that describe the uterus as being pear shaped and sized. The comparison only gets worse once pregnant when the petite pear comparison becomes a watermelon metaphor. Likewise the growing foetus takes on fruity properties and is compared to various stone & citrus goodies as it gets bigger (and bigger, and bigger, and BIGGER!) - but we'll get to that soon enough!
Albeit somewhat ridiculous, the fruit comparisons are actually quite useful and accurate. I wish I could come up with a new scale but comparing uterus' and foetus' to, oh, I don't know, a 1kg bag of sugar or a can of baked beans, just doesn't have the same effect.
The spongey pear is made up of three layers, just think of a Big Mac and you're getting close with those two beef patties on a sesame seed bun. The inner layer is called the endometrium and when an egg is fertilised it will burrow into this layer and grow there. When there is no fertilisation, the endometrium sheds off and is expelled during menstruation (you always wondered what those chunky bits in your period were didn't you??!!).
This pretty much covers the main gears. You've of course got a few other bits and pieces that help keep the cogs turning, namely - the ovaries: almond-shaped and sized (keeping with the produce theme) 'sacs' where 'eggs' are stored (up to a million from birth) and released from during ovulation (link to ovulation content coming soon!), and the fallopian tubes: the slippery dips linking the ovaries and the uterus, making for one wild ride for an adventurous egg.
It takes a fine tuned cooperation between all of these 'bits' to achieve a pregnancy. The gearbox metphor is not just a pun, getting pregnant is exactly like driving a car and needing to line up gear changes, with clutch work, the right amount of accelerator, brake release, indicators, and looking out for dumb pedestrians - because you know they're not looking out for you. When it comes to driving the vulva in place of the Volvo, you're looking at synchronising the various functions of all the reproductive parts. Some women don't have to work at it, a guy need only look at them and they fall pregnant. For others, it can take half a decade of trying. I guess it's best to be prepared for the worst case scenario and go into 'project knocked up' knowing exactly what you're signing up for - and that's what the Mama Sutra is here for!
How it works – instruction manual for the gearbox. Getting knocked up for Dummies: step by step (link to content coming soon!)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch - off we go...
Passing the clitoris, take a sharp left at the labia minora and you'll find yourself in the vagina. This one's pretty self explanatory, right? I figure that if you don't know what the vagina is by now then I can't help you and... what the hell are you doing trying to get knocked up anyhow?! I could of course go into the anatomical and histological details of the vagina, but a) who really cares, b) it's not going to give you any conception advantage and, c) I hate histology - all good reasons to skip the medical blah blah.
So, hitting FF we zoom down the vagina, passing by the g-spot without stopping or collecting $200, and (flip pause, please) arrive at the cervix.
The cervix is the entrance to the uterus, or 'womb', and looks a bit like a donut that puffed up too much and encroached on it's central hole. The cervix plays a number of important functions when it comes to getting pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy, but these will be covered in other topics.
Squeezing through the cervical portal we enter the uterus. This is the star of the show, the place where it all happens. Should you manage to get yourself knocked up, this giant sponge-like bag will be home to your baby for a good 40 weeks (give or take a little, take if you are lucky, I wasn't!).
For some odd reason, which I have never managed to understand, there is a trend to compare the size of the uterus to fruit. True story! I don't know how many text books I have found that describe the uterus as being pear shaped and sized. The comparison only gets worse once pregnant when the petite pear comparison becomes a watermelon metaphor. Likewise the growing foetus takes on fruity properties and is compared to various stone & citrus goodies as it gets bigger (and bigger, and bigger, and BIGGER!) - but we'll get to that soon enough!
Albeit somewhat ridiculous, the fruit comparisons are actually quite useful and accurate. I wish I could come up with a new scale but comparing uterus' and foetus' to, oh, I don't know, a 1kg bag of sugar or a can of baked beans, just doesn't have the same effect.
The spongey pear is made up of three layers, just think of a Big Mac and you're getting close with those two beef patties on a sesame seed bun. The inner layer is called the endometrium and when an egg is fertilised it will burrow into this layer and grow there. When there is no fertilisation, the endometrium sheds off and is expelled during menstruation (you always wondered what those chunky bits in your period were didn't you??!!).
This pretty much covers the main gears. You've of course got a few other bits and pieces that help keep the cogs turning, namely - the ovaries: almond-shaped and sized (keeping with the produce theme) 'sacs' where 'eggs' are stored (up to a million from birth) and released from during ovulation (link to ovulation content coming soon!), and the fallopian tubes: the slippery dips linking the ovaries and the uterus, making for one wild ride for an adventurous egg.
It takes a fine tuned cooperation between all of these 'bits' to achieve a pregnancy. The gearbox metphor is not just a pun, getting pregnant is exactly like driving a car and needing to line up gear changes, with clutch work, the right amount of accelerator, brake release, indicators, and looking out for dumb pedestrians - because you know they're not looking out for you. When it comes to driving the vulva in place of the Volvo, you're looking at synchronising the various functions of all the reproductive parts. Some women don't have to work at it, a guy need only look at them and they fall pregnant. For others, it can take half a decade of trying. I guess it's best to be prepared for the worst case scenario and go into 'project knocked up' knowing exactly what you're signing up for - and that's what the Mama Sutra is here for!
How it works – instruction manual for the gearbox. Getting knocked up for Dummies: step by step (link to content coming soon!)
